Only Human
by the.love.that.binds
Summary: Matt Donovan. Seventeen. Senior. All of it sounded normal. The only thing that wasn't, was him. After all, he was what he was. Only human. One-shot. Post 4x10


_Only Human_

* * *

Matt Donovan. Seventeen. Senior.

All of it sounded normal. The only thing that wasn't, was him.

He had dealt with vampires. Werewolves. Witches. Hybrids. The list only grew longer as time passed.

As Matt sat before a bottle of alcohol, drunkenly observing his whole life, he realized, that things would never be normal again. Even if they did get rid of the Originals, or stopped Silas from awakening, or found a cure for vampirism, nothing would be the same. There would always be that same old pain, the pain that he'd felt when Elena's parents were gone, that Vicki was gone, that his Mom had left once again.

In his vengeful anger he slammed his fist against the bar table, making his glass shake and fall to the floor, shattering glass.

Why couldn't _he _be the strong one? The one that could save others? He'd always been in the way...a burden. His friends were always saving him, and he was always getting damaged along the way. He wanted to repay the favours his friends were always doing for him.

Swiftly he pulled out a Swiss Army knife from his boot, flipping it open. The blade popped open with a loud _clack_, echoing throughout the vacant bar. Matt had always carried it with him ever since he found out vampires existed. He knew it wouldn't do them any harm, but he felt safer having the knife with him at all times.

In his drunken and rather heightened emotions, he lifted the knife to his throat. What would happen, if he quickly pulled it across his fragile skin? He would bleed to death, and...he remembered Stefan had given him blood after Damon had practically attacked him and used him as bait. He had vampire blood in his system...which meant if he killed himself he would come back as a vampire. But did he really want that? He would finally be able to protect the ones he loved. But there was still the unquenchable thirst for blood. He didn't want to be a monster. He didn't want to kill people, and see their lifeless eyes before his fangs, now empty of hope and love and dreams.

He couldn't decide. To become strong, and a monster. Or to stay weak, but human. A heartbeat, and emotions. He lowered his knife, knowing well what his friends would say if they were there. He could almost see them sitting in the empty stools in the bar.

_No! _Elena said. _You can't, Matt...you just can't. Among all of us, _you _still have a future. That's something worth living for. Don't give that up. Humanity is everything anyone should hope for, and you should too...you're not weak, but it is your emotions that make you strong. You love with all your heart, Matt, and don't you ever forget that._

_Matt! _Caroline shrieked. _If you do this, I'll kill you myself! You're human, and I would kill to have that kind of life again. But I can't, and I don't want you to regret that too. So don't make all our sacrifices go in vain, okay?_

_Matt, _Stefan said gently. _I have no control of your actions, but if you choose this life, that is your choice. In the end, everyone should always have that. A choice._

_Matt, don't! _Bonnie was pleading, her dark eyes full of sadness. _We've lost enough people already, and we can't lose you too. Matt...please..._

_And I really don't wanna kill you, me being a vamp hunter and all, so better watch out...being human suits you more, anyways. I can't imagine Matt Donovan with fangs. _Jeremy grinned widely at him.

_Looks like the world will finally be rid of one more quarterback,_ Damon scowled. Matt shook his head. Damon still remained a douche-bag, even in hallucinations. Who knew. _But, ah, listen. I'll...teach you, y'know. And not because of Elena. You're a decent guy, Matt. _The ghostlike replica of Damon gave Matt a wink.

_Matt. _Tyler let out a toothy grin. _If you do this, we'll have to be enemies, and I don't wanna kick your ass, so don't._

Even Klaus sat among them, his feet propped up on the table, a glass of alcohol in his hand. _You're welcome to join the dark side, there's always room for one more. _Klaus smirked and lifted in glass in a salute. _Cheers, mate._

Last but not least was Vicki, smiling kindly at him. Then she frowned at his knife. _Make me proud, Mattie. Don't make the wrong choices, like I did._

Then she was gone. They were all gone.

Matt wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, sheathing his knife. "I'm really going crazy now," he mumbled half-heartedly. "Looks like maybe now I'm not the normal one in the group." He had tucked his knife away. Then he started to laugh, a throaty chuckle that began as a low hum in the back of his throat, then full-out chortling. He didn't find anything particularly funny, only the fact that his life was permanently screwed. But that was life, and if it chose to throw that at him, he would throw it back as hard as he could.

He was healing, learning to forgive himself. Really, the only person that didn't forgive him for Elena's death was himself. And Damon, of course. But Damon was Damon. But no one else blamed him; Elena's choice was her own.

He was tired of feeling useless, so he stopped feeling sorry for himself. He would do what he could to help, and they would understand, like they always had. That was just the way things were.

As for strength and protecting, Matt had ingrained some of his friends' advice in the 'hallucinations' in his mind. _Emotions count the most, _Matt thought. _They can speak louder than words, or actions. Because it's what in you heart that truly counts. _He shook his head at himself. _I'm really getting sentimental on myself, aren't I?_

Starting to whistle under his breath and feeling sober again, he resumed cleaning the bar, putting his drink elsewhere.

After all, he was what he was.

Only human.

* * *

_The End_


End file.
